Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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