He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize