What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
