Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
