You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
