im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
