matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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