i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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