i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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