I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize