They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
