Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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