I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
