I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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