If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
