I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
