She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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