Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
