Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
