dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she told me i tasted like america
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
