just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
