I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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