You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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