I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
