Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize