new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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