Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize