I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
