I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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