I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
