Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
