I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
