i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
