I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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