Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
cat food counts as protein by the way
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
my poor anus
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
