And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
