people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
