sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
