Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
