Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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