I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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