I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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