Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
