i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
