i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just had sex bonerless
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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