im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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