I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
