I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
