So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
