apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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