I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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