I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
