I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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