I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
