I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
