oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Randomize
