dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we're making bets on your personal life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
