Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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