I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
