Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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