I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
