covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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