He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
